


Shadow of a Dark Star

by Rattlesnake



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Denial, First Time, M/M, Making Out, Power Play, Sexual Repression, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-03-20 11:00:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13716270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: Frustrated and angry Ren finds himself in front of Hux's rooms, not even sure what he wants there. Turns out he wants Hux.





	1. Chapter 1

The first time it happens is like a blur. Ren is reprimanded by Snoke once again, is told that he is worthless, a disappointment, a mere child hiding behind a mask. His fury is so uncontrollable that he needs something to anchor him, something to silence the madness that is building inside of him. He isn’t even sure why he finds himself in front of Hux’s quarters. He knows it’s the general’s resting cycle, of which there are few and far between but he still uses the force to break the security lock that guards the door. He’s never been in here but it doesn’t come as a surprise to him that there is nothing personal about the first room at all. There is the holo device, a giant monitor on the wall, several control panels and a sofa in the middle of the room that looks weirdly out of place and as if it isn’t even meant to be sat on. He takes off his helmet and his gloves and places them on the chrome table in front of it. He won’t need them now.

A sliding door leads to the next room and he opens it without hesitation, using the force again, even though this one is not locked. 

In the half-light he’s towering over Hux’s bed that is pushed into a corner of the room and his presence immediately raises Hux from his sleep. There is a look of such terror in his eyes when he moves backwards to the end of the bed that Ren, who had every intention of intimidating him, is taken aback for a moment. He hadn’t reckoned with this level of loathing in Huxss gaze. The other presses himself up against the wall behind him and his hands are outstretched towards Ren in a futile attempt of warding him off. „No.“ It’s a choked whisper. „Leave me alone.“

Only then does it occur to Ren that Hux must think that he wants to kill him.

„Be quiet“, he says. „I’m not going to hurt you.“

Hux doesn’t seem convinced. He lowers his hands but his chest is still heaving, his eyes wide with fear, following Ren’s every move. Ren has never seen him like this. Hux is always so in control, so poised, even under great pressure, even when Snoke punishes him. It is fascinating to finally see him crumble like this.

„Then go away“, he chokes. „You’re not allowed in here.“

Ren has no intention of going away but he takes a step back and Hux’s shoulders relax just a little. In the soft light he looks even paler than usual. He is wearing black pyjamas that are weirdly similar to his uniform and his hair is hardly tousled which is surprising, considering he has been asleep. 

„I’m staying.“

„What are you even doing here?“ Hux brushes one hand over his face and Ren notices it’s shaking. 

„I wanted to see you.“

„In the middle of my resting cycle?“

„Yes.“

„Is something wrong? Is it about the ship?“ Hux is immediately tense. “The rebels?”

„No.“

“Then tell me what you’re doing here or I’m calling my guards.”

Ren is completely unimpressed. He likes the way Hux is looking up at him now with a mixture of confusion and apprehension. “Can’t you tell?” He lets his robe glide to the ground and sees Hux swallow. 

“No, unfortunately I can’t.”

Ren takes a step closer to the bed and this time Hux doesn’t flinch away from him. In fact he seems to become calmer now. His eyes are fixed on Ren’s face and there’s a question in them, even a hint of defiance that Ren finds fascinating. And behind that there’s something else that he can’t read. To be honest, Hux has always been difficult to read, even for Ren who has learned to use the force to see into the minds of others. With most people it’s easy and everything that’s going on in their heads is just laid open to public. Some of course are more difficult and he has to dig deeper to really understand what’s going on beneath the surface. And it’s even different with Hux. First Ren thought that there was really only discipline, ambition, obedience and an almost insatiable need to succeed. He already knows that beneath that there’s something more sinister, but it’s well hidden, kept in the dark, maybe not even fully accessible to Hux himself.  
He takes another step forward and sits down on the bed now, close to Hux. “I’m here because I want you”, he says. There’s no reason to hide his own desires. He didn’t come here for long explanations or excuses. 

He sees Hux’s eyes go wide and his lips opening slightly for a very short moment. Then he’s completely composed again. “You want me?” It sounds unbelieving, questioning.

Ren doesn’t answer. He puts one hand on Hux’s leg, right above his knee and elicits a small gasp from the other man. Ren is glad he’s not wearing his gloves because he likes the way the fabric of Hux’s pyjama feels under his touch. And he can imagine the warmth of his skin beneath it. It’s been long that he’s touched another human being for any other reason than hurting them. He had almost forgotten how powerful this too could make him feel. 

“What are you doing, Ren?” Hux sounds a bit breathless already, but still in control. 

Ren moves closer to him, kneels next to him on the bed, so that their faces are only inches apart. His rage wells up inside of him again. Rage and frustration about not being able to accomplish his goal to finally burn down all his boundaries that keep him from reaching his full potential. “I’m going to fuck you”, he says. “I’m going to fuck you so hard.”

Hux’s expression shifts only a fraction but he looks almost as if he’s in pain, even though Ren didn’t do anything to hurt him. His hand is still on Hux’s leg and he moves it a little higher now. “Do you want that, Hux?”

He sees Hux press his jaws together. “I won’t be a tool to satisfy your needs.” He sounds breathless, restrained.

“Why not?” Ren asks. “You must have needs, too, general.”

“I don’t. Not those kinds of needs.”

Ren lets his hand wander higher and cups Hux through the thin fabric of his pyjamas. He hadn’t expected him to be this hard, hadn’t expected his cock to press into his hand with such force.

They both gasp.

“Liar”, Ren whispers.

“Hux closes his eyes and even in the dimmed half-light Ren can see his blush tint his cheeks and even his neck all the way down to his collarbone and he wants to kiss him there, wants to taste that little triangle of skin just above the rim of his pyjama top. He leans forward and lets his tongue flicker over the spot. It tastes of salt, but only very lightly so. There is also a hint of soap. Hux must have showered before he went to bed and Ren feels weirdly sorry about that. His treatment elicits a suppressed little moan from Hux. It’s clear that he’s trying to hold back, to seem unaffected, but he can’t. Ren is still cupping him and now he’s starting to massage him but only lightly so.

“Don’t” Hux chokes. 

Ren looks up and sees that Hux’s face is contorted again as if he’s hurting. “Ren, I can’t…”

Ren lets go of him and moves back. “Do you really want me to leave?” His voice is dark and low, almost a soft growl.

Hux opens his eyes and Ren can see that his pupils are dilated, his cheeks even redder, lips slightly parted. Ren had always thought that Hux had thin dry lips and he’s surprised that they’re actually quite full and even a little moist right now. Hux obviously doesn’t dare to move and he still seems frightened and confused. But also … hungry. Almost imperceptibly he shakes his head, avoiding Ren’s gaze.

Ren is upon him a second later. There’s still all this angry energy inside of him, all that rage and frustration that needs an exit desperately. He pushes Hux down into the mattress and presses himself against him for a moment. It feels good to have a human body beneath him, to be in control of the situation.

Hux is heaving now, gasping for breath and his hips are pressing upwards against Ren, almost welcoming him. He’s biting his lips and Ren wonders if this is an attempt to stay silent. He wishes Hux would allow himself to let it all out.

He moves back a little and fumbles with Hux’s pyjama, because he wants it off. He doesn’t even care that he tears it apart in some places, because it’s just what he needs right now. He doesn’t want to hold back. Hux is wearing a black tank top and tight black shorts underneath and Ren likes the way the colour amplifies the paleness of his skin. He still wants them off right now. 

It’s obvious that Hux doesn’t like to be exposed like this. He’s squirming underneath him, covering his face with one arm. Usually Ren likes to see him humiliated, enjoys mortifying him but that’s not what he came here for today. Hux’s body is lithe and lean and his skin so unbelievably white, except for the bruises. Ren asks himself for how many of them he is responsible. He doesn’t like the idea that Snoke probably gave him most of them.

Hux is shivering now and Ren doesn’t know if he’s cold or just anxious. 

Ren sits back on his heels between Hux’s legs and Hux peers up at him from below his arm. “You’re leaving”, he says as if it’s a fact.

Ren is taken aback for a minute. Hux obviously really believes that he’s going to leave him like this, that he only came here to shame him. He seems so defeated that for a moment Ren actually considers doing it, but he needs this too much. Hux is not the only one aching for it.

“Of course not.”

Is that a glimpse of relief in Hux’s eyes or is Ren imagining it? No, he thinks. Hux is still afraid that I’m here to make him desperate for it and then leave.  
“Take that off.” He gestures to the tanktop.

Hux sits up and obeys. He pulls the top over his head with both hands. “I’m not …” he starts, but he doesn’t finish. 

But whatever he wanted to say, he’s beautiful, breath-taking even. Ren hadn’t expected this. Hux’s body is slender, almost on the verge of skinny, but he’s very lightly muscled. More from being in constant vigilance than from fighting, probably but it’s just right. His chest is smooth apart from a few hairs that shimmer golden red and his nipples are perfect: small and pink and so hard that it must hurt. Ren can’t resist. He puts the palm of his hand over one of them and rubs lightly. Hux’s body jerks and this time he can’t hold back his moan. 

“You like that”, Ren muses. “I wonder how long it’s been since you’ve been touched.”

“None of your … ahhh… business.”

“I could find out if I wanted to.”

Hux glowers at him. “Stay out of my head, Ren.”

“Fine. For now.”

He moves both his hands down Hux’s torso, over his flat belly and lets his fingers wander under the waistband of Hux’s underpants. Pants that fit him perfectly like everything always does. Only now the outline of his erect cock is perfectly visible and gives away how little he is in control of the situation. Ren is delighted to see the little damp patch on the fabric just where the head of his cock is. “Wet already?” he whispers and draws one thumb over the spot. Hux hisses and lets his head fall back. 

“You need this so much. More than I do, maybe.”

“Then just do it.” Hux sounds pained. “What are you fucking waiting for?”

Ren doesn’t need a clearer invitation than that. In one smooth move he pulls Hux’s underpants down, exposing his straining cock. He loves it immediately. It’s long and lean and very straight and it’s base is surrounded by beautiful gold red locks. It feels amazing in his hand, when he grabs it. Smooth and hard at the same time. Hux shudders and moans deeply.

It’s this moan that costs Ren his last restraint. He takes out his own cock and strokes it a few times, to get some relief, but he has to stop because he’s suddenly so close to coming much too early. 

He frowns and looks down on Hux whose gaze is captivated by Ren’s hands on his own cock. He seems mesmerized. Ren knows he’s big, it’s never been a question, but no one has been quite so overwhelmed by it. 

“Turn around”, he orders.

Hux swallows. “Are you … are you going to prepare me at all?”

“Yes.” Ren has hardly any patience left but he’s not here to rip Hux apart. 

Hux looks as if he wants to ask something else but when he sees Ren’s gaze he obeys and turns around.

Ren uses the force to move a bottle of lotion from the nightstand into his hand. To be honest he has next to no experience when it comes to preparing someone for his cock. There have been experiments in the academy, of course. Some dry-humping, some more or less enjoyable handjobs and one of the boys even offered to blow him once. But that part of his personality has been erased with Ben Solo, or so he thought. What had been intended as a mere letting off steam now feels very much like actual desire. But this is not the time to worry about that. He just wings it and starts prodding and pushing against Hux’s hole with two slick fingers and he must be doing something right, because Hux who has buried his face deep in the mattress starts pushing up against him in no time and the muffled sounds he makes tell Ren that he obviously enjoys this. 

And he himself likes it much more than he’d ever imagined. It’s such a powerful feeling to do this to Hux, so much more rewarding even than hurting him or besting him. He also likes the way Hux is stretched out before him on the bed. The way his body arches into his touches is fascinating, intoxicating, makes him even harder until he too is leaking. He can’t resist and lowers himself onto Hux, pressing down against him, his cock gliding over the inviting arc of his ass. Hux’s whole body shivers, his hips move upwards and Ren wants him. He wants him more than he thought it was even possible for him to still want someone. He honestly tbelieved he had killed these kinds of desires when he killed Ben Solo. Pushing the thought aside he grabs the lotion again and spreads it over his throbbing dick. He’s impatient now, hungry. 

“Don’t know if I can take all of you.” Hux’s words are strained, his voice almost breaking. “You’re … you’re really big.” Ren asks himself if this is Hux’s way to ask him to be careful. 

“I’ll go slow.”

He has to restrain himself from just pounding into Hux. It would just hurt the both of them. In fact he’s forced to go slow, because Hux is so tight, but he also feels amazingly good around his cock, when Ren finally slides in. He forces himself to hold back, to give Hux time to adjust and by the time he’s half buried inside of him, Ren is panting, wishing he could just move the way he wants to move so desperately. Hux has been quiet beneath him up to now, his face still buried into the mattress, his hands clawing at the sheets. He doesn’t resist but suddenly Ren isn’t sure anymore if Hux still wants this or if he’s hurting. He reaches out with the force to read his mind and is surprised about how unguarded Hux is right now. And then he feels a wave of such immense pleasure it almost pushes him over the edge. He moans deeply and asks himself why Hux restrains himself like that if it’s clear how much he wants to cry out and rut against the mattress beneath him while Ren fucks him. It doesn’t need a lot more after that to make Ren come. He grabs the base of his cock while pushing into Hux once again, deeper this time. And then his orgasm rushes through him like lightning and he throws his head back in pure ecstasy, crying out. 

Moments later he collapses on the bed next to Hux. To be honest he’s not even sure Hux got there. It doesn’t seem likely. Still coming down from his own height he considers offering a handjob to him. It’s not like he doesn't deserve it. But before Ren can even breathe steadily again, Hux gets up and immediately heads for the bathroom without a glance at Ren. The door falls shut behind him and shortly afterwards Ren hears the water of the fresher running. He’s a bit surprised to be honest but as a matter of fact this makes things easier. He wouldn’t have minded staying a little longer because it feels so good to bask in the aftermath. Everything that was whirling around inside of him, his anger, his frustration has calmed down for the moment and he just feels satisfied and a little drowsy.  
He sits up in the bed and notices the wet spot where Hux was stretched out beneath him just moments ago. So he did come, Ren thinks and somehow that satisfies him. 

When he leaves Hux’s rooms, adorned once more with his helmet, gloves and coat he feels more calm and balanced than he has in years. And he pushes the thought away that the last time he felt this way was when he still called himself Ben Solo.


	2. Chapter 2

Hux dries himself off quickly after leaving the fresher. He avoids looking at himself in the mirror. A fresh uniform is laid out for him on the designated hanger in the corner and only when he has put it on he feels composed again, in control. Now he dares to take a glance at the mirror, to smooth his damp hair but when he sees his bitten lip, the way his cheeks still have a little colour, it makes him feel almost nauseous. 

His hands cling to the cold steel of the washing basin for a moment while he tries to get his poise back. It’s hard to account for what just happened but he will need to find an explanation if he wants to be able to look himself in the eyes again. Not that Ren’s behaviour came as a surprise to him. If it had just been the other man forcing himself on him, using him as a means to let off steam that would have been outrageous but something he could live with. But it wasn’t like that and he knows … he knows that he consented, that he even wanted Ren to do it.

That was not supposed to happen. Hux had been sure that his sexual needs involving anybody else were something he had long left behind. They only ever got in the way of what he desired to achieve. Yes, some suggest that having a high rank as he does at such a young age must mean that he has used any means to get there. And it isn’t even that he is above using his body to achieve what he wants. It exists only to serve him after all. But nobody hasever desired him that way, at least as far as he is aware. It doesn’t surprise him that no one has ever seen anything sexually desirable in him and it surely isn’t anything he missed.  
All the more astonishing that Kylo Ren of all people had wanted him like that.

He hates the way that last thought just lights up in his head as if it is something that he is even the slightest bit pleased about. He isn’t. Maybe he has underestimated the way his body still defies him, still works against him and craves things he doesn’t need anymore. 

Still, having sex with Ren certainly isn’t something he had desired or would ever desire again. It is completely out of the question.

He opens the door to his bedroom and is more than glad to find that Ren is gone. The rumpled sheets on the bed and the wet spot that is clearly visible in the middle make him look away immediately. He leaves the room, certain that he will not go back in there before everything has been cleaned up by droids. Serving droids of the sort that aren’t even intellectually able to question anything. 

He isn’t sure why his knees feel weak, but he has to sit down on the sofa for a moment. Burying his face in his hands he tells himself that everything is going to be fine, things will be back to normal in a few minutes. The confusion will leave him and he will be his old controlled and calculating self. Ren hasn’t taken anything away from him nor changed anything. He only prays that Ren hasn’t seen…

Seen what? There is nothing to see anymore. Anything there has ever been he has long buried. 

“You were so afraid”, a voice inside his head whispers. 

“That was because I thought he was going to kill me. I’ve thought about killing him so many times I just assumed the feeling was mutual. “

“Why then were you so relieved when you noticed it was him? Who did you expect?”

“No one.”

The voice got darker. “They are still with you, right? The memories?”

“They are not!” Hux notices that he has spoken out loud and scowls. Is he really starting to talk to himself now? There is no way he can let this throw him off and confuse him. He can’t give Kylo Ren any power over him or otherwise he is lost. He only hopes Ren hasn’t been able to read him while he was … a little out of it.  
He bites his lip hard. This is never going to happen again. There is no way Ren will ever want to do this again. And he himself of course finds the idea dreadful.  
He decides that he has to eat something. He needs to get back on track. His rest cycle is almost over and as he has hardly slept he already knows that he will need all his concentration to command the ship. It has been a difficult few days and they have been more straining on him then he likes to admit. The forfeiture of Starkiller Base is still gnawing at him as well as the knowledge that he will needs to prove his worth to Snoke again. He needs his strength.

After ordering a meal from his control station, he checks the read outs from the last half hour. He has to force himself to eat when a serving droid places the instant meal in front of him on the control station. Every bite tastes like sawdust.

Finally he gives up. His eyes lingere on the sliding door that leads to the bedroom. He hasn’t given the order to change the bedsheets yet. Something flares up inside of him and suddenly he is moving very fast. He needs to get out of here. Away from this place where everything suddenly reminds him of what has transpired on the bed. He wants to forget, to push it as far back in his mind as possible, to the place where everything else he wants to get rid of is buried.  
Angrily pushing the button of the passage that leads to the hallway, he waits for the doors to glide open. His quarters have always been a kind of safe space for him. A sanctuary. That too is gone now. 

*  
Kylo Ren doesn’t turn his head, when General Hux enters the bridge, even though he notes his presence immediately. He always marginally notes Hux’s arrival, but this time it is much more distinct, louder in some way. He reaches out with the force to read him automatically, because for some reason he wants to know how Hux feels about their earlier encounter. He is greeted with the usual silence and wishes he could at least see Hux’s face. 

He waits for a moment before he changes his position and moves behind one of the officers at the control panel in the middle of the room, to be able to get a glimpse of the general. The officer in front of him shrinks in Ren’s presence, is more alert and guarded immediately, but Ren takes no note of him.  
He watches Hux walk over to the great external observation panel, hands crossed behind his back, perfectly upright, perfectly composed. Nothing about him speaks of what had happened between them. Not a hint of colour on his cheeks anymore, not a hair out of place. There isn’t even the slightest hitch in his step as Ren almost hoped there would be. No sign that Hux has been squirming underneath him less than an hour ago, that he moaned when Ren touched him. Hux is wearing his usual tight-lipped scowl when he snaps at one of the officers to confirm their current course. Maybe his lips are a hint redder, but Ren could also be imagining this.

Then Hux turns around to look at Ren and for the fraction of a second Ren can see something change in his eyes. He can’t exactly say what it is, maybe a depth that he has never seen in them before, maybe defeat. It is gone almost immediately, replaced with the well-known defiance but it was there, and Ren wants to know what it means. Hux acknowledges him with a short nod that leaves Ren completely dissatisfied and he knows that he wwill have to visit him again soon. Hux has sparked a certain kind of respect for his abilities in him a long time ago and he acknowledges that he isn’t bad at his job. But he has never before been curious about him. 

*  
It takes much longer than Ren had initially thought that he finds himself in front of Hux’s quarters again and when he does this is the last place he wanted to go. Everything that could go wrong has in fact gone wrong for him in the last few cycles. Everything except the fact that he has killed Supreme Leader Snoke. He wanted to do that since Snoke turned out to be another being that only ever berated and betrayed him. Killing the Supreme Leader and taking his place brought him satisfaction that is ruined by the fact that Rey pushed him away, rejected him. His ambitious plans of ruling the galaxy with her, of killing the past and building a new future have been destroyed, because the girl can’t let go of her own outworn values, can’t let go of the people that will betray her sooner or later.  
And his own great defeat came in the form of Luke Skywalker, the master Ben had loved more than anyone, the Jedi Kylo Ren wanted to overcome more than anything. 

He is still trying to mend his own mind, regain his inner peace after that terrible decision and his downfall that had entailed the escape of the Resistance from Crait. 

Anger and frustration and something else that frightens him much more are still raging inside of him when he uses the force for the second time to open Hux’s door for himself. He needs something and he’s going to find out what it is.

Again he leaves his gloves and helmet on the table in the first room and it feels strange to do this for the second time, but also right. He opens the door to Hux’s bedroom with his hands and when he is greeted by the semi-darkness of lights lowered to five percent and Hux’s sleeping form under the thin cover of his bed he remembers that this is the first time the general has allowed himself some rest after the battle on Crait. 

The cycles right after that fateful day are a blur of rage and disappointment for Ren and he knows that Hux took matters into his hands. Ren had no other thought in his head apart from finding and destroying the Resistance but Hux managed to talk some sense into him and deal with other important factors: He ordered the wreck of the Supremacy to be vacated of anything that could be of use to them and destroyed afterwards. He organised a memorial and held a speech for their troops, praising their heroic behaviour during the destruction of their ship. Ren found it completely superfluous but Hux told him it was important to keep their morals up. Stormtroopers were extremely loyal towards their comrades and it was important to give them room to mourn them.  
Finally Hux had also calmly calculated their best options to track down the Resistance, had negotiated with their financiers and explained their failures to them in a way that made them accept Ren as the new Supreme Leader for now and had initiated for their destroyed tracking device to be set up again.

Ren isn’t usually known for being exceptionally considerate, but after remembering all of this, even he feels a twinge of guilt for planning to disturb Hux. He is already here however and even though Hux is still asleep, it feels as if there is no way back. 

He takes a few steps towards the bed and stops when he is standing right in front of it. Hux is sleeping on his stomach and to Ren’s surprise he is still wearing his coat and uniform. Apparently, he was too tired when he he got here to take it off. It surprises and intrigues him to find out that even Hux’s resilience has it’s limits. 

This time even Hux’s hair is a little tousled and even though it’s intense colour isn’t well visible in the gloomy light, Ren is still fascinated by it. When he takes in the way Hux’s collar is cutting into the soft pale skin of his neck, the general stirs and then suddenly jerks awake. This time he doesn’t crawl away from Ren but his eyes widen and his body tenses when he takes in the man standing at his bed. 

“What are you doing here, Ren?” his voice sounds as if his mind wants to be alert while his body wants to go back to sleep desperately. “I can’t … not now…”  
“You must be tired”, Ren says and he feels calmer than he has since the battle of Crait in this moment. It feels as if this room provides a protective shield that he hasn’t even been able to build in his meditations since the battle with Luke Skywalker. There have been too many voices in his head, too many doubts that he can’t squash and that have driven him to completely wreck one of his training rooms. Hux ordered for that to be reconstructed, too. “How long have you been running on stims only?”

“Not everyone has your powers to overcome sleep if they need to.” Hux sounds irritated, even though Ren didn’t mean to offend him this once.  
“You should take off your uniform. It can’t be comfortable to sleep like that.”

“And why would you mind?” Hux turns around, apparently accepting that he will not be allowed to go back to sleep any time soon. He blinks at Ren a few times.  
“I need you back on the bridge fully functional as soon as possible.”

Hux scowls at him but starts unbuttoning his coat. He is so tired, his fingers hardly manage to perform the task, however.  
“Let me”, Ren says and pushes Hux’s hands away. 

“I’d be grateful for your concern if I didn’t presume that you have an ulterior motive.”

“You underestimate me.”

Ren takes time to open the buttons of Hux’s greatcoat this time and he can see that Hux has some difficulty keeping his eyes open. Something about his dazed state weirdly touches Ren and he reaches out with the force to find out how Hux feels right now, but even in his exhausted state, his thoughts are carefully guarded against him. He doesn’t sense fear however. 

“Are you going to undress me completely?”

“Do you want me to, general?”

“Of course not.” The answer comes a bit too quick, a little too exasperated.

Ren pushes the blanket away and notices that Hux at least managed to take off his boots. A man like him would probably sleep on the floor before allowing himself to wear shoes in bed. 

Ren is so concentrated on his task of undressing Hux, that he doesn’t notice at first that Hux seems to become more awake in the process. Only when his hips jerk once when Kylo opens his belt does he look up to his face. Hux’s eyes are slightly glazed over and he’s worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

“You like this.”

“Of course I don’t.”

Kylo puts his hands on Hux’s stomach and feels his body press up against him involuntarily. “You like to be touched.”

“If there’s one thing I have always hated it is to be touched.”

Not right now, Kylo thinks, but he doesn’t say so and Hux doesn’t protest when Ren takes off his trousers and his shirt. He’s shaking very lightly when he’s lying in front of him in his black underwear and Ren asks himself if he’s cold or frightened. When he looks at his face he sees only tension and unasked questions in his eyes.

“What is it?” he demands.

“You’re not here to thank me, am I right Supreme Leader?” The title sounds rather ironic.

“Not exactly.”

“So, after all I did you’re really here to take advantage of me once again?”

“I never did that. You liked it last time and you’re going to like it this time. Even more.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to.”

Suddenly he can’t wait anymore. He crawls over Hux and presses down, lining their bodies up, and he can feel that Hux is already getting hard, despite being overwrought, despite claiming he doesn’t want this. He moves his hips against him and Hux’s whole body shivers.

Again he asks himself why Hux is so deeply in denial about desperately wanting sex with him. He even thinks about forcing his way into his mind to find the answer, but that would feel more like an intrusion than forcing his way into his bedroom and he has enough respect for the man not to do it. Instead he leans down and licks over Hux’s bottom lip once. He’s been thinking about this since the last time he was with him, but Hux’s reaction is even better than it was in his mind. He sucks in a deep breath and then pushes back against Ren’s lips. 

Ren takes the hint and kisses Hux deeply, hungrily. Hux doesn’t react immediately but when he does, there’s a need and determination in his kiss that drives Ren wild. He reaches down to fumble with his own belt and at the same time Hux squirms underneath him to get out of his underpants. The situation becomes almost awkward but Ren pushes one hand under Hux’s shirt, lets it glide over the smooth skin, soothingly but also demanding more. He almost regrets that he’s still fully dressed so he can’t feel Hux’s body against his skin but on the other hand it also turns him on to have Hux naked before him. He’s never seemed so vulnerable or desirable: the paleness of his skin, his quickening breath, the way his hands flutter towards Ren’s body, unsure of what he’s allowed to do.  
Hux looks up at him almost pleadingly and Ren moans. “You want me inside of you. Say it.”

Hux remains silent but his lips tremble slightly and there’s longing in his eyes.

“Or do you still think I’m taking advantage of you?” He moves his hand down, past the waistband of Hux’s underpants and slowly pushes two fingers into Hux. He delights in the drawn-out moan this elicits from the other man. Ren moves his fingers slowly, provocatively and Hux thrusts his hips against them.

“No, Ren.”

“So you do like it?”

Hux closes his eyes and again there’s the tortured look on his face and Ren understands that he simply can’t say it. And he doesn’t have to, he decides. Usually he enjoys torturing Hux but it’s not what he’s here for tonight. Hux’s lips move as if he wants to say something and that does it for Ren. 

Again he takes the time to summon the lube into his hands without questioning why it’s even there and he takes considerably less time to prepare Hux before he finally pushes into him. When he does it’s pure bliss and the look on Hux’s face tells him that it feels the same way for him without having to use the force. He has no idea why it is this good for both of them and he doesn’t question it. He only delights in how amazing it feels to move inside of Hux and bows down to kiss him once more, to delve into him as deep as he can. 

When he feels Hux lift up his legs to close around his hips and pull him closer that’s almost enough to push him over the edge but this time he doesn’t want to miss out on Hux’s orgasm, so he stills for a moment, gasping for air, trying to reel himself in and when he’s regained some control, he reaches between them to close his hand around Hux’s erection. This time it’s Hux who moans and jerks his hips beneath him, almost losing it. It only takes a few more thrusts after that and Hux throws his arm over his face. Ren tries to pull it away, because he really wants to watch him coming this time, but when he succeeds it’s too late and he can see Hux’s eyes close in relief. 

He missed it again but the tint on Hux’s cheeks, the extreme red of his lips and the dampness of his hair is enough to push him over the edge and his orgasm surges through him like electricity, makes him shudder and throw his head back. 

He rolls off of Hux and stretches out on the bed next to him. Hux is surely too tired to go shower this time and Ren likes that thought. He expects him to go back to sleep immediately and maybe he will stay a little longer, see what he looks like when he is relaxed and satisfied. 

Unfortunately, after a minute or two Hux sits up, pulls the blanket around himself and heads for the door of the washing room. He has to steady himself against the doorframe with one hand but then he’s gone. 

Ren tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me: Do you want Ren to wait for Hux to return or leave again?  
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Hux is so tired he has to take care not to fall asleep inside the fresher. The good thing about that is that he doesn’t even have the energy to think about what just happened, especially about the fact that he liked having sex with Kylo Ren. He knows this is going to tear him apart tomorrow, but he’s too exhausted right now to give it another thought. 

He needs this resting cycle more than he’s probably ever needed it. Even putting on is pyjama is a real challenge in his current state. Still he’s glad he got out of his uniform after all. (Ren got him out of his uniform but that’s another thing he doesn’t want to contemplate right now.) The thought of stretching out in his bed is just too good and everything else, all those fears and uncertainties will have to wait until tomorrow.

He practically stumbles out of the fresher and his eyes widen when he sees that Kylo Ren is still in his bed. He was so sure he would be gone by the time he finished his shower that he didn’t even think about the alternative. But there he is: Stretched out on his side, propped up on one arm and taking Hux in as if this was the most common thing in the world. At least he pulled the covers up over his hips, leaving only his muscled torso for Hux to take in.  
Hux swallows. “What are you still doing here?”

Ren has the audacity to shrug. “I’m tired. Getting dressed and leaving seemed like a drag. Do you mind if I sleep here?”

Hux gasps. “Have you lost your mind?” He’s serious. Having sex to let off steam is one thing and Hux even kind of gets that concept. Spending the night together? That’s on a completely different level. And it’s not going to happen.

“I’m not suggesting marriage. Come on, we just fucked. Isn’t that more intimate than sleeping next to each ohter?” 

“No.”

Ren sinks down onto the mattress and Hux realizes that there’s probably no way to make him move out of that bed. And Hux iss so tired he’s afraid he might just fall over. That’s the only reason he finally gives in and moves over to the bed.

He sits down on the sheets, feeling as if he’s about to crawl into a Krait dragon’s layer.

“Come on”, Ren says. “You won’t even notice I’m here.”

Hux swiftly moves under the covers and tells the computer to dim the light to five percent. But he’s afraid he won’t be able to sleep. He has never slept with anyone else in his bed and he’s hyperaware of every breath Ren takes, of every small movement. He’s also afraid to move himself. And he’s scared that he will have nightmares. Suddenly he can imagine few things that would be worse than waking Ren screaming because he dreamed of eyes watching him from the dark, hands gripping for him…

“Just so you know, I sometimes have dreams”, he whispers.

“I suspected as much”, Ren says softly. “Everyone has.”

“Bad dreams. They … they wake me up sometimes.”

“It’s okay, I’ll comfort you.” It almost sounds as if Ren is smiling.

“I didn’t mean that.” Hux frowns. “Just wanted to warn you.”

“Okay.”

Hux is silent for a moment. Then he sighs. “I need to go to the bathroom again.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to ask for my permission.”

“I’m not! I’m just letting you know.”

When he gets back he doesn’t even look at Ren. He gets under the covers and immediately turns his back on him. It’s Ren’s fault that he won’t be able to sleep at all in this resting cycle, even though he’s exhausted and…

When he wakes up he feels wonderfully warm and comfortable and stretches with a little contented sigh. Waking up hasn’t felt this good in a very long time. He feels so well rested, so refreshed…

That’s no pillow under his head. He freezes when he realizes that his head is lying on Ren’s shoulder. In fact he’s completely snuggled up to him and Ren has one arm around him. Hux’s heart starts beating faster and he desperately tries to think of the best way to get out of this situation, because there’s another problem which is very prominent and in fact it’s pressing against Ren’s thigh in a way that shouldn’t feel so excruciatingly good. “Oh stars”, he whispers under his breath and tries to move away without waking Ren. Immediately Ren’s arm pulls him closer. 

Hux swallows hard and at least tries to move his hips away from Ren.

“Don’t you want me to take care of that?” Ren whispers, his eyes still closed.

“Excuse me?”

“You seem a little excited. I could help you with that if you want me to.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Oh Hux, come on.” Ren opens one eye and lazily turns to face him, still holding him close with unsurprising strength. “Why are you like this? You need human contact. The moment you fell asleep you snuggled up to me like you couldn’t get close enough. It’s not a bad thing you know? It’s human to need touch.”  
Hux closes his eyes because he hasn’t felt this embarrassed in years. Not even Snoke who really tried his best to humiliate him in front of his entire crew every chance he got was ever able to make him lose his composure like this. He wishes he could just die or at least make himself invisible.  
“I don’t need it”, he says. “Human contact I mean.”

“Are you sure?”

“Entirely sure.”

“Still, you’re not moving away.”

Ren is right unfortunately. And even now Hux’s body doesn’t react the way he wants it to. Instead he feels the urge to press even closer, to move his hips against Ren’s thigh that is so invitingly close. In fact it costs him all of his strength not to hump against him like a needy animal. He can’t suppress the light moan that escapes his lips.

And apparently or maybe luckily that’s all the confirmation Ren seems to need. He turns a little towards Hux and he next moment his hand is cupping Hux’s crotch and it feels … it feels amazing. The pressure is just right and Ren immediately begins massaging him through the fabric of his soft pyjamas. Hux parts his legs involuntarily to allow Ren better access.

“I want to make you feel good”, Ren whispers close to his ear and his voice is dark and velvety. The sound alone drives Hux wild and he hopes that Ren will go on talking.

He does.

“I think about you all the time.” Ren is now slowly pushing his pyjama pants down and Hux lifts his hips to help him. He can’t change it, this feels just too good.  
“I think about you too”, he whispers.

Ren moans lightly. “I know, I didn’t start this the right way, Hux. I want you to know you’re not just a distraction. In fact you distract me from everything else.”  
“Ahhh .. keep talking. And keep doing that, please. Don’t stop, Ren.” It feels as if for the first time in his life he’s really able to say what he wants and feels. It’s weird but it’s also so liberating.

“I won’t.” Ren places a gentle kiss on Hux’s jaw, still massaging his dick in a wonderful rhythm and with just the right pressure. “This is all about you. I want to make you come.”

Hux thinks that that won’t be a problem if Ren keeps going on like that. He has never experienced anything like this. Ren isn’t touching himself, isn’t getting anything out of this. And he’s taking Hux higher and higher.

“Please don’t stop”, he pleads again, because if anything had ever felt remotely good in his life it had always been taken from him. And he feels like he could burst if Ren doesn’t finish him off now.

“Don’t be afraid”, Ren says and Hux hears something that sounds like real affection in his voice. “I won’t stop. I’ll take care of you.”

It’s ironically that sentence that pushes Hux over the edge and he comes over Ren’s hand and his own belly, gasping and shivering, electric shocks running up his spine. 

It’s the first time someone else brought him off like that and he needs a while to come down from it. 

When he does he feels fresh embarrassment surge through him. How could he let himself be so open, so vulnerable? How could he let Ren of all people see how much he craved this? It was stupid. Careless. For all he knows Ren is going to use this against him somehow.

He wants to flee from the bed suddenly, wants to get as far away as possible.

“No, you’re not running away again.” Ren pushes him back onto the mattress. 

“I need to shower. I’m all…”

“You’re all amazing.” Ren leans down to kiss him hard and Hux’s resolve falters. His arms come up automatically, drawing Ren closer. He simply can’t resist him anymore and he asks himself where all his hatred for him has gone, his jealousy and aversion. A few caresses and a little affection and he’s completely taken over. It’s pathetic really, but he doesn’t know how to change it. All he wants right now is Ren inside of him.

*

Seven cycles later Hux tells himself that he’s behaving absurd. It’s his first resting cycle that collides with one of Ren’s resting cycles since the time Ren gave him that hand-job. And now here he is in his room not able to concentrate on the holo movie he was planning to watch, because his eyes keep watching the door to his quarters. 

He should be in bed already, he desperately needs his sleep, but he feels agitated, nervous. Of course it’s pathetic to believe that Ren would visit him once more. Whatever he told him seven cycles ago was probably just something Ren’s unsteady mind made up. Maybe he meant what he said in that moment, maybe he wanted to make fun of Hux or ridicule him. Show him how easy it was to win him over with a few friendly gestures. Huw won’t waste another thought on it. He’ll just wipe Ren out of his mind as well as he can.

The door to his quarters slides open and Ren moves inside, a little breathless, as if he hurried to get here. He smiles when he sees Hux on the sofa and Hux marvels at the fact how much younger it makes him look. 

The doors close and Hux gets up from the sofa, still not really sure if he should believe his eyes. The next moment Ren gathers him in his arms, pulling him close. “I’ve longed for this”, he says. “It’s so hard not letting anything on in front of the crew, right?”

“Yeah”, Hux says. So that’s what Ren was doing. He wasn’t sure if he was deliberately ignoring him or just didn’t care enough to so much as look at him. But this is another explanation of course. “It was.”

Ren kisses him as if to make sure that Hux still belongs to him and it feels utterly amazing. All his doubts and fears seem to just seep out of him and finally he clings to Ren as if he’s the only solid thing in his life. And maybe he is. 

Later, after the sex, when he’s lying in bed next to Ren, head on his shoulder so that he can hear Ren’s strong and reassuring heartbeat and Ren is lazily stroking his side, he thinks that he hasn’t felt this content in years. Or maybe never in his life. He still can’t believe that he may be allowed to keep it but he knows that he will do anything he can to hang onto it.

Maybe it will weaken him. But for some reason he believes it’s going to make him stronger.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm thinking of writing another chapter for this, maybe from Hux's point of view, so please tell me what you think and if you'd want to read it. Kudos and comments are a always highly appreciated!


End file.
